An Apology...

Those two little words..."I'm sorry".

Recently I've found myself saying that a lot. And not just in the typically British way...in the genuine "I've f*cked up" way. I wanted to take this opportunity to apologise for various things to various people.

Let's start with those that read my blog and members of the same blogging communities as me. I'm sorry for the lack of content on here recently and with how distant I've been. I wish I could blame it on being super busy and struggling to find time but it's not. It's sheer laziness and a great big lack of motivation. I start posts and write a few lines or even just the title but then they get forgotten or I can't find the words to expand them. And I feel embarrassed by how shocking they are that I just delete the words I've just typed...like I've almost done here.

Next to my family. I have never been the "perfect daughter" to my parents or the "good role-model" to my little sisters. I feel like I'm sometimes I really let them down, and even though they'll probably never read this I just wanted to apologise for it. 

Most of all I'm sorry to all those who have listened to me to me rant and rave and break down many many times. Thank you also for putting up with that and sticking by me over the years when others couldn't handle me. I want to apologise for always talking about myself and my life, most recently more than ever. There have been times when some of you needed me but I was to absorbed in my own little bubble to realise that and I'm sorry I didn't notice earlier.

I'm sorry I couldn't be the girl you wanted to me to be. That I didn't live up to expectations. I doubt what I say and what I do because I don't want to let you down or be a disappointment. I wanted to be the one that makes you smile and cheers you up when you're feeling down but it looks like I'm not able to do that. And I don't know what to do to change things. 

Fingers crossed I can get things back to how they used to be but I'm not gonna make any promises that I know I might not be able to keep! Until next time...

Esmee xx